I don't know why I've been feeling sentimental these past week. Whenever I quarrel or argue with my parents or best friend, I would start breaking down in the quiet of my room. I wasn't like this. I used to be really strong. Nothing could make me tear easily. But now, I do not just shed one or a few tears, but cry with scarring tears leaving a trail in their path. I do not understand why all the emotional thoughts. Perhaps the wall I have bulit around me has collapsed, leaving me vulnerable? Or was it time for me to release my pent-up sorrow and grief?
The lesson I've learnt is that I should find a pillar of support soon. Someone who knows and understands my feelings thoroughly. But it seems impossible.
I'm always the lone person in an odd-numbered group. I'm mostly invisible until I find a way to get their attention, and even then, I'm only 15% successful. I may be too soft-spoken I guess. Or are others easily distracted?
In any case, I just hope I wouldn't be so vulnerable to silly matters of the heart. I wouldn't want to waste time crying.
~MLLEMERCURIAL~
Friday 30 November 2012
Sunday 18 November 2012
What if it all turns out to be a dream?
Hi, this shall be a rather sentimental post. I had a dream, a happy dream. I dreamt of this guy A (whom I shall not name) professing his love for me.
The dream goes like this ...
I was heading for dinner. But I had no idea why it was with many random people. Maids, teachers and many other of my school's students. The weirdest thing was it was held at a large house. So, my seat at the dinner table was leaning against another chair (we had to sit separate tables due to the lack of space). Guy A, who behind me kept moving his chair against mine, which was annoying. I could take it no longer and I stood up to walk away. Little did I know, Guy A ran after me. He gently held my arm and asked, "Why are you running away?" Obviously I replied saying that he was irritating me. Then he said, "But I was confessing to you." I don't see how that was confessing but anyways.
I shook his hand away, for I was shocked. I walked to the nearest bedroom and sat on one bed, he sat on the opposite one. And he said, "Would you go steady with me?"
And truthly, in my dream, I think I felt a certain attraction towards him. When he said that, the butterflies in my stomach fluttered and my heart skipped a beat. But I changed the topics as I wasn't certain of my feelings towards him. Till he said, "I ignored what others said."
And his hand gently stroked my cheek, my neck and my head, caringly, not possessively, which was what I yearned. He even said that he was working. And the implication of that was that he could support me. Which was mature thinking and planning for the future.
Seeing his face longingly looking at me, I felt an overwhelming sense to be Guy A's mental support. I had wondered how his hair would look like in another hairstyle, hence I ruffled his hair. He didn't shove my hand away, which was a good start. Seeing him with a hint of a smile, I hugged him for I had decided to accept his proposal.
He reciprocated.
Pulling away, he had tears in his black, almond-shaped eyes. Upon asking why he cried, he answered, "Because you were mad at me earlier."
See what I mean about Guy A? He is sweet, cares about my feelings and so on. I don't know why we students had to help out at this pasar malam, so I kissed him on the cheek, saying "You know what this implies?" In reply, he grinned his biggest ever smile.
The rest is not really relevant. We just had to do some labour work and I woke up, while falling from a chair at the last instant.
I don't know how long we lasted, or whether Guy A decided to break up with me for I'm too clumsy. But what I do know, was that I hoped the dream was real. The feelings I had in the dream was so real-like and genuine. If only Guy A was like this in reality, sentimental and caring. Because the Guy A I know isn't like that, or maybe I haven't known him well enough.
I almost teared when I woke up and realised it was all just a stupid, bloody dream.
Shall end off here. If this dream continues, I'll keep you all posted. Till then, seeya all! ^^
~MLLEMERCURIAL~
The dream goes like this ...
I was heading for dinner. But I had no idea why it was with many random people. Maids, teachers and many other of my school's students. The weirdest thing was it was held at a large house. So, my seat at the dinner table was leaning against another chair (we had to sit separate tables due to the lack of space). Guy A, who behind me kept moving his chair against mine, which was annoying. I could take it no longer and I stood up to walk away. Little did I know, Guy A ran after me. He gently held my arm and asked, "Why are you running away?" Obviously I replied saying that he was irritating me. Then he said, "But I was confessing to you." I don't see how that was confessing but anyways.
I shook his hand away, for I was shocked. I walked to the nearest bedroom and sat on one bed, he sat on the opposite one. And he said, "Would you go steady with me?"
And truthly, in my dream, I think I felt a certain attraction towards him. When he said that, the butterflies in my stomach fluttered and my heart skipped a beat. But I changed the topics as I wasn't certain of my feelings towards him. Till he said, "I ignored what others said."
And his hand gently stroked my cheek, my neck and my head, caringly, not possessively, which was what I yearned. He even said that he was working. And the implication of that was that he could support me. Which was mature thinking and planning for the future.
Seeing his face longingly looking at me, I felt an overwhelming sense to be Guy A's mental support. I had wondered how his hair would look like in another hairstyle, hence I ruffled his hair. He didn't shove my hand away, which was a good start. Seeing him with a hint of a smile, I hugged him for I had decided to accept his proposal.
He reciprocated.
Pulling away, he had tears in his black, almond-shaped eyes. Upon asking why he cried, he answered, "Because you were mad at me earlier."
See what I mean about Guy A? He is sweet, cares about my feelings and so on. I don't know why we students had to help out at this pasar malam, so I kissed him on the cheek, saying "You know what this implies?" In reply, he grinned his biggest ever smile.
The rest is not really relevant. We just had to do some labour work and I woke up, while falling from a chair at the last instant.
I don't know how long we lasted, or whether Guy A decided to break up with me for I'm too clumsy. But what I do know, was that I hoped the dream was real. The feelings I had in the dream was so real-like and genuine. If only Guy A was like this in reality, sentimental and caring. Because the Guy A I know isn't like that, or maybe I haven't known him well enough.
I almost teared when I woke up and realised it was all just a stupid, bloody dream.
Shall end off here. If this dream continues, I'll keep you all posted. Till then, seeya all! ^^
~MLLEMERCURIAL~
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